Tuesday, June 17, 2014

It's catching up to me

Throughout this process, I've been marveling (worrying?) over how I haven't been experiencing any of those typical pregnancy symptoms everyone talks about.  I kept waiting to turn into a stereotypical movie character who is puking all day, or is wholly unable to function, but that just hasn't been the case. On a lot of levels, lucky me!  On others, the lack of "normal" things also makes you think there's something wrong and the whole pregnancy is going badly.  So, it's a double edged sword.  Not that I talk about it.  I don't really talk about much of what's going on in my head, or with me, because I don't really think anyone wants to hear it anyway, and when I do I'm accused of being not excited.  Or, if I do get excited, someone says something that basically kills the excitement entirely.  There's also an utter lack of enthusiasm within my own household.  My husband literally never talks about it.  It's a non-thing.  It makes me feel really alone in all of this, and that's sad.  I don't expect him to "get it" but....most of the time it's not even acknowledged.  If I bring it up, he'll talk about it for a few minutes and then change the subject.  I feel like I'm just alone in my own thoughts and fears, and I'm on this island of baby growing that no one seems to give a shit about.  No one even asks how I'm doing.

Speaking of how I'm doing, I'd like to go back to that whole not having any typical pregnancy problems.  Everything was great up until this last week or two when all of my energy went straight out the window.  I don't know what happened.  I was fine, and then I wasn't.  But I don't want people to realize I'm not, so I keep pushing on and doing all of my same day to day stuff, not complaining, not talking about it.  I just carry on and pretend I'm not on the verge of dropping to the floor all the time.  It's been coupled with feeling shaky, and light headed, and actually getting up to do actual physical work makes my whole body shake.  My heart races until I feel like I'm going to pass out.  Again, no one notices.  All I want to do is crawl in bed at the end of the work day.  I'm nearly to the 12 week point, shouldn't all of this be pretty much done now?  I thought I was in the home stretch!

I guess it's all just catching up to me.  I'm glad it hasn't been like this the whole 12 weeks, but I would also enjoy if it would stop soon.  I hate not feeling like myself.

Related Posts:

  • Beyond 100 daysEarlier today I was reading this article after it was posted by a blogger I follow on Facebook, and as I sat there reading it and feeling like none of it really applied to me too much, I got to a couple of sentences, or … Read More
  • I get itMy husband had lunch with a friend yesterday who was talking to him about a situation she's come up against with a couple of other friends.  Basically, she and her husband are friends with two couples and have been for y… Read More
  • Intentional KindnessI've been thinking over the past week or so as lots of things have been evolving in my life.  I've been thinking a lot lately about intention.  Intention is an interesting idea, because it's so easy to assume that w… Read More
  • Broken people parentingOne of the things about being a parent who didn't necessarily have the best examples to work from is that it makes you constantly worry about repeating the bad example you had.  It's not passive.  It's never passive… Read More
  • A year of being selfishI keep thinking about life as I currently know it.  My foster daughter had a party on Saturday, which I kept telling her was "her party" and that meant she was going to have to do all of the work for it.  Then I pro… Read More

0 comments:

Post a Comment