Friday, December 26, 2014

The wait continues

This morning I had a doctor's appointment.  I had hoped there'd be some information about how much longer this waiting game would keep going on, but nope.  They didn't do an internal exam, again, and they didn't really have any new information.  Took a heart rate.  Estimated she's around 6 lbs.  Sent me on my way.  Yet another 10 minute appointment.  If I were my insurance company, I'd be all sorts of pissed about having to continually pay for these appointments, since they don't DO anything.  It seems like such a waste.

I had to see another doctor because mine is out of town for the holidays, and she asked if I had any concerns and I said "Paying $3,000 for my deductible if she's born on the 1st as opposed to paying nothing if she's born on the 31st".  She seemed wishy washy on that.  She basically just said that if I want to talk about being induced I should do that at my next appointment with my actual doctor.  The appointment that is on my due date, so it wouldn't really matter.  Not that I'm jumping up and down to be induced or anything.  I haven't even requested that.  I just wanted to know if there were other options.  Doesn't seem they're very open to those.  It's frustrating.  I don't want to be put in a financial bind because she shows up a day late.  I'm probably being stupid, but it's stressing me out.  Waiting is stressing me out.  Not knowing what projects I can and can't start at work is stressing me out.  I am also just getting burned out over being at work.  It's like knowing you're going to go on vacation so your brain keeps thinking "Vacation is soon!" every time you leave the office, but not knowing when that vacation is going to happen.  I fully understand that I am by no means actually going on any sort of vacation, but not being in the office is a big deal and I'm frankly burned out on work in general right now, so I have little patience for handling work related tasks.  I'm trying not to check out mentally, but it's hard.  I feel like I'm in the movie Clerks always thinking "I'm not even supposed to BE HERE today".

All in all, I'm just tired of waiting.  This has been a journey of milestones and I'm just ready to move on to the next one.


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