Eviction Notice

So we've reached it.  The proverbial D-Day of growing a human.  The elusive Due Date that basically means nothing except that you should hopefully have a baby by now.  Except when you don't.  Which is my case.  No baby.  No anything.  Just me, sitting here at work, waiting a bit longer.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning where they talked to me about the NOTHING that's going on South of the border, and I concluded that she's basically my husband at this point.  Never quite on time, always procrastinating.  I'll be sure to hold this against her for the rest of her life.  It may be the last thing I remind her of on my death bed.  My doc informed me that if she doesn't make an appearance by next Wednesday, she's being served an eviction notice.  No more cozy warm floaty home, Seahorse.  Time to GTFO.  That'll be interesting, since it means she'll likely share a birthday with either my niece or my dad.  Not sure how much my niece would like sharing, but my dad would be cool with it.  So at least now I have sort of an "end date" to go with.  If she's not here by the 7th, then that will be my last day of work.  There's some sort of comfort in that.  Plus, originally they said they would let me go up to 2 weeks past my due date, so this is better.  I'm not looking forward to the meds they'll be using to induce me, mostly because I keep hearing they seriously suck, but sometimes you do what you gotta do.

I feel like, when I stop to reflect on the past year, I sort of think that's the motto that sums everything up.  "Do what you gotta do".  In some ways, it's been a really rough year.  That's not to say it was a bad year, but it wasn't easy.  I started it off 10 days into the year with a pretty serious injury, and a surgery 5 days later.  That in itself came with a lot of financial stresses along with a lot of struggle.  The initial recovery wasn't so bad, but the rehabilitation was grueling and in the end it didn't amount to much.  I was told I'd never have full use of my arm again, and that was a crushing blow.  I kept on with the physical therapy, as painful as it sometimes got and as hard as it was to keep going and hoping the doctors were wrong, because sometimes you do what you gotta do.  My husband has struggled with job stresses for as long as he's been in his current job.  He hates it, it makes him anxious and stressed out all the time.  He's miserable every day.  He wants to get out but the paths out from where he is aren't panning out.  He went back to school, trying to come up with an alternative option for himself, even though he doesn't want to be in school and he doesn't want to use up all of his time and energy going through more classes.  He doesn't want to keep working this job that sucks the life out of him, but he keeps going in every day because sometimes you do what you gotta do.  And then there's this whole pregnancy/childbirth process.  This blog is a clear indication that it wasn't something I was jumping up and down about.  I have been scared, reluctant, apprehensive and a variety of other adjectives throughout all of this.  It's not about not wanting children, it's about doubting myself and being afraid of what's around the next corner for me as a pregnant person, or us as a family.  It hasn't been a hard pregnancy.  It's actually been a really easy one.  The hard part has come from battling a lot of my personal demons and trying to convince myself that, despite all of the voices around me telling me I shouldn't do this, that it's something I can do and that I shouldn't be afraid of.  I haven't fully succeeded, but I'm making peace with things a little at a time.  I've powered through this whole pregnancy thing, because sometimes you do what you gotta do.  In this situation, it's the destination that matters, not the journey.  Sometimes you just have to take the journey because it's necessary.  So I did.  Now we're about to hit the destination and I think even when that gets hard, I'll keep powering through because you do what you gotta do.

I guess that's just who we are, my husband and I.  We're people who don't make a big deal about things that are hard because you do what you gotta do.  But it's been a rough year, and we made it through together.  We'll make it through the next year together too, because I know when the chips are down, we can depend on each other to do what we've gotta do to get us past it, and when one of us is weak the other will step in to be strong.  We're very lucky.  Happy New Year.